Perfectionism and Mental Health
The Paradox of Perfectionism: When Striving for the Best Becomes the Enemy of Good
In a world that praises high achievers, the idea of being a “perfectionist” can often be worn like a badge of honor. We hear it in job interviews — “My biggest weakness? I’m a perfectionist!” — as if the relentless pursuit of flawlessness is a testament to dedication and strength. But what if that drive for perfection isn't a strength at all? What if it's a heavy burden, tangled with anxiety, self-doubt, and even unresolved trauma?
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”
The Many Faces of Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn't just about wanting things to be done well; it's the need for them to be done flawlessly — without mistakes, criticism, or disappointment. While some people may feel proud of their meticulous standards, others may feel trapped by them, unable to find satisfaction or peace.
Psychologists typically identify three types of perfectionism:
Self-Oriented Perfectionism: Holding yourself to impossibly high standards, often resulting in feelings of failure.
Other-Oriented Perfectionism: Placing unrealistic expectations on others, leading to frustration or strained relationships.
Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: The belief that others expect you to be perfect, a mindset strongly linked to anxiety and depression.
The Link Between Perfectionism and Mental Health
Research has shown that perfectionism is closely associated with various mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. A study published in the Journal of Personality found that socially prescribed perfectionism, in particular, has a strong correlation with suicidal thoughts. When our worth is tied to being perfect, failure feels catastrophic — like a personal flaw rather than a natural part of growth.
Perfectionism can also perpetuate a cycle of procrastination and avoidance. When the fear of not being “good enough” becomes overwhelming, it can lead to complete paralysis — making it difficult to even start a task, let alone complete it.
Trauma and the Roots of Perfectionism
For many, the need to be perfect isn't just a personality trait — it's a learned survival mechanism. If you grew up in an environment where love and approval were conditional or where mistakes were met with harsh criticism, striving for flawlessness might have felt like the only way to stay safe or valued.
Survivors of trauma often experience a heightened need for control. If the past felt chaotic or unstable, the pursuit of perfection can seem like a way to regain a sense of order and predictability.
Navigating Perfectionism in Daily Life
Living with perfectionism can be exhausting, affecting daily life in countless ways. Maybe you find yourself rewriting emails several times before hitting “send,” double-checking your work to the point of burnout, or avoiding new experiences altogether out of fear of failure.
To challenge perfectionistic tendencies, consider these steps:
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you'd offer a close friend. Recognize that mistakes are part of learning.
Set Realistic Goals: Aim for “good enough” rather than “flawless.” Perfection is an illusion.
Acknowledge Underlying Fears: Explore whether fear of rejection, failure, or criticism is driving your need for perfection.
Embrace Vulnerability: It’s okay to be seen as imperfect. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.
The Path to Self-Acceptance
If perfectionism is impacting your mental health or daily life, reaching out to a therapist can be a powerful step. Therapy can help unpack the origins of these beliefs and provide tools for healthier self-acceptance.
At EmpowerHER Therapy, we understand the complexities of perfectionism and its ties to deeper issues like trauma and anxiety. If you're ready to explore this further, consider scheduling a session with us. You deserve a life where growth matters more than flawlessness.